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feeling confused

So, I’ve been quite busy doing the myspace thing and making friends. I play mobsters, a lot. I’ve met some wonderful people on there. They’ve become like a family to me. They’re a wonderful group of people and individials.

There’s especially one person whom I have become quite fond of. He means a lot to me. He’s been away from home a lot the last couple of weeks, working. He is on the computer at night and we talk more than we used to. We’ve finally admitted to each other that we care more than we should and think about each other a lot. There’s a problem, though. He’s married. He’s lives all the way across the US so there isn’t a chance we will meet. Not to mention, he’s never seen what I really look like. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about him. I kind of feel guilty because he is married but it’s not like we are telling each other we love each other or talking on the phone. Just using YIM.

At times, I get sad because we can never be together but then I know it’s for the best. He’s told me that if he wasn’t married he would hop on a plane to see me and that kind of scares me. He’s apologized for “laying” something on me like that. I am so damn confused at times, though. I want to continue talking to him but then I think that maybe I should stop. But, when I think of stopping, I want to cry because I can’t imagine not talking to him. He’s a wonderful man with a wonderful heart and I would never want to hurt him.

I guess writing this out has helped me a little but it’s also made me sad.

Tomorrow, the boy and I are going to my sister’s. I think that is for the best so I can’t be online and be tempted to talk to him.

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Categories: Livin' Life
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